Bullying

We’ve had a family of four living upstairs in our house for six weeks now.  The ten-year-old boy is a hoot and just the sweetest kid, so it breaks my heart when he tells me stories after school about all the bullying he endures each and every day.

It seems when he was in first grade he had the habit of picking his nose.  He’s grown out of that “disgusting habit” as he now calls it, but the kids at school won’t let him ever forget.  The fact he’s in fifth grade now and has gone over three years without once picking his nose in public, just doesn’t register with his classmates.  They will forever see him as a nose picker.

He told me whenever a new kid comes to school, he likes to be the first one to pull them aside and give them a head’s up – that they will hear stories about him from other kids that are no longer true, and he begs them to not believe what they hear.  He’s made a few new friends this way, as they’re able to brush aside the unkind nicknames and playground gossip and see him for who he is today.

But this sweet kid just can’t catch a break.  I was at his basketball practice last week and another kid on his team cried at every turn.  If he didn’t make a practice shot, he cried.  If he didn’t get the ball passed to him, he cried.  Now that kid, I thought, probably gets bullied. According to my little upstairs friend, that kid does get bullied, but not as much as him. 

Soon, the family upstairs will be moving to a new house, which will require my little buddy to change elementary schools.  In fact, one of the main reasons for this family moving is to do just that – to put him in a new school.  The bullying is relentless and the kid’s just had it.  The school’s zero tolerance policy on bullying apparently doesn’t work.  He needs a fresh start.  

I’ve always told my son the old adage that “you never get a second chance to make a first impression,” and this is a good example of what can happen as a result.  My little buddy needs another chance to make a first impression and a new school will hopefully do that for him.  He’s counting down the days and so looking forward to putting the past behind him.

This whole scenario got me to thinking about the holidays and how some families I know have difficulties when they gather together.  In many families, it’s rare to get a second chance.  The old tapes keep playing in people’s minds and even when a person is 40, everyone still remembers how they acted when they were 20. Grace does not get extended often enough for past mistakes, and blinders seem to keep people from noticing changes that have been made.  Words slip out - feelings get hurt.  Forgiveness is often lacking and no one, it seems, ever forgets. 

It’s childhood bullying all over again – just played out among adult family members.  The nose pickers will forever be nose pickers.  But wouldn’t it be great if this year, like my little pal, everyone was granted a fresh start?