Friends

I didn’t meet Kory’s mother until we’d been dating for over a year.  It took him that long to prepare me for her.  He kept telling me, “Just remember, no matter what she says – she means no harm.” 

Jenny was known for being rather blunt – never using any kind of filter to run her words or actions through as to whether it was politically correct or even whether it would hurt someone’s feelings.  She just said what she thought.  She had no idea the impact her comments sometimes had on her daughter-in-laws, and telling her was pointless because she saw no harm in what she said.  It was good Kory warned me about her, as I then chose to not take up any offense by her words.  I let them roll right on by, and we got along great.

It was good training ground for me, as over the years people have said things that could have hurt if I’d let them, but I just didn’t let them.  I also realized later that the grace I extended my mother-in-law is the same grace I have always given my close friends. I choose to never be offended by any thoughtless comment that may come out of their mouths.  The fact they do the same for me is what makes them my good friends.  People say things without thinking all the time.  Why we chose to let one person’s words harm us, and let another person’s words slip by, is puzzling.

The best part about having good friends is that they are safe.  I have the freedom to not weigh my every word or action – to just be myself and know that I’ll be loved anyway.  Of course, I never intentionally say or do things to hurt people, but sometimes I’m just not thinking.  It happens to everyone.

I was visiting one of my best friends this weekend and she was lamenting over the loss of some of her close friends due to them moving away or dying.  She told me how hard it is to make new friends at her age because “people aren’t safe.”  She doesn’t know who she can trust and who she can’t.  She’s easily wounded by the words of others.

I was a little surprised by her statement because she’s an otherwise strong, very accomplished woman.  Letting what others say affect the quality of her life seemed counter-productive.  But I could relate with her on the topic of making new friends later in life.  It’s hard to replace long-time friends you know you can trust and whose heart is always on your side.  

When I was in high school I read the saying “to have a friend, be a friend,” and it rocked my world.  Rather than waiting for people to show an interest in me, I took an interest in people I wanted to befriend.  I’m still friends with some of them today, and they know me well enough to know that no matter what I say – I mean no harm.  I guess my husband married the right woman, as his mother was great training ground for living with me.