Expectations

Being exposed to different cultures often makes me question the wisdom of my own.

Russian friends visited us a few years ago, so we gave them a tour of our house and yard.  We ended up standing under our apple tree, talking.  The Russian woman asked if she could eat one of the apples hanging from the tree.  I told her she was welcome to as many as she wanted.  She reached up and grabbed a large one that had already been half eaten by the birds.  I told her she should pick one of the many others that hadn’t been pecked at, but she responded, “Oh, no!  The birds know which ones are the tastiest,” and away she ate.  In my wildest dreams, I wouldn’t have eaten that apple.  I stood there in a bit of a shock watching her munch away.  Why were my expectations so much higher than hers?

We Americans, it seems, expect perfection in far too many things.  Our need for perfection has caused the apple industry to spray toxic amounts of chemicals on their apples just so they are visually pleasing enough for us to buy.  We certainly don’t want to pay for an apple if it has blemishes.  Perhaps if we lowered our expectations, they wouldn’t have to use all those chemicals, which surely can’t be good for us. 

My son was enrolled in an on-line math class, which he finished up when we were staying in Norway this year.  He was devastated that he got 78% on one of his tests, as he expected to get 95% or above.  When I told my Norwegian friends about his disappointment, they were completely baffled.  They insisted that 78% was a score to be proud of.  Such is the academic expectations in Norway, but no American I know would be happy with a C+ in anything.  Norwegians don’t expect high achieving students - they are all very happy to be average.  Wouldn’t that be nice?

Our expectation of perfection in the medical profession is what has led us to be so sue-happy in America.  No other country in the world has such lawsuits, as other countries seem to understand that people make mistakes.  I’d hate to have a job where I was never allowed to make a mistake, or someone might sue me.  Certainly our insurance premiums and medical costs would go down if lawsuits were eliminated.

Even in marriage, I know too many people who’ve gotten divorced because their “needs weren’t being met.”  Really?  I’ve yet to sit through a wedding where the vows included, “And when you stop meeting my needs – I’m outta here.”   What are they expecting, anyway?  Aren’t we all ultimately responsible for our own happiness?

I dream of the day when Americans will eat apples the birds got to first, are proud of their kids Cs in school, they say “no” to lawsuits and they don’t leave a partner that doesn’t quite stack up.  All it takes is lowering our expectations.