Homer Balls

I have discovered over the years, when I’m feeling a little down, I can raise my level of happiness in life, by simply giving what I need to get.  It’s a bit like the “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” way of thinking.  If love is needed, it’s best to give a little love and then the need for love gets met in the giving.  If friendships are lacking, then the old adage “to have a friend, be a friend” works very well.  Often when I want a little more romance in my life, doing romantic things for my husband satisfies my need for it in the process.  It’s simple.  But when it comes to gift giving, that same principle doesn’t really work out so well.

Years ago my friend, Dani, was seething when she told me about the new VCR she had gotten from her husband for Christmas.  Turns out she didn’t want it, nor did they need it, but her husband had his eye on it, so he bought it “for her” as a gift.  She called it a “Homer Ball.” I had to ask why she called it that and she went on to tell me about some episode of “The Simpsons” in which Homer bought his wife, Marge, a new bowling ball for her birthday.  Homer had his name engraved on it and it fit his fingers, not hers. It was the epitome of selfish gift giving.  This phrase has since become a mainstay in Dani’s marriage as her husband gives her “Homer Balls” all the time, and she rarely gets a thing she actually wants.

I hadn’t realized, before Dani pointed this out to me, that I sometimes do the same thing.  When our son was little, I really wanted his portrait taken.  I had a spot on the wall picked out where a very large copy of that portrait could go, but it was hard for me to justify the expense of something like that just to satisfy my own selfish desires.  I felt very clever in wrapping it up and putting it under the Christmas tree as a gift for my husband.  While he enjoyed the portrait, too, he knew right away who it was really for.  Busted. 

This “Homer Ball” phrase is now listed in the “Urban Dictionary” as a commonly used phrase in today’s world, and sadly, occasionally used in our household, as well, as we are quick to point out when a gift seems to have ulterior motives.

A few times, on Christmas morning, Kaleb has opened a gift then gives me that look as he says, “This is a Homer Ball, isn’t it?”  I’ve explained that just because I’ll enjoy using something he got for Christmas, doesn’t make it any less his gift.  So he’s trumped the whole process by charging me rent when I do.  So I’m thinking this year what I really need to ask for is something on Kaleb’s wish list.